I’m going to die, writing is the way to say goodbye

Oct 06, 2023

Life is a journey towards inevitable death. We die a little bit every day, from the first moment of the first cry. What happens when we reach that end? We never know. But when astronauts look at Earth from space, they don't see heaven or hell; they only see the little blue dot and vast emptiness. This nothingness expands so widely that our little human brains can't comprehend it, and even the speed of light can't catch it.

Perhaps, reality has no inherent meaning. We humans invent language with words to describe our thoughts and make sense of the world around us. Writing is a way we capture our experiences, helping us document our version of reality.

I enjoy learning, writing, and drawing because they help me understand the depths within myself and the world’s beauty. A daily diary allows me to open up with all the joy, anger, love, hate, and illusions hidden inside. Learning helps me understand my place in the universe, grasp limitations and biases, and realize that I know very little about the world.

Though writing can be depressing because it opens up the vulnerable parts of myself and makes me realize how stupid I am. Sometimes, it helps me find joy.

Last week, even though it didn't rain, the streets near my apartment were heavily flooded due to high tide. I needed to ride my bike through the flooded area to get to my student's home. I had a part-time job as a private tutor for an 8th-grade student, and that day, I helped my student review geography for the upcoming test.

I asked my students: “Why do we have tides?”

We then discovered another gem of knowledge.

We realized that this flooding was caused by the gravitational pull of the moon, our natural satellite with a mass of 1.25% compared to Earth. It draws water on Earth towards itself, causing tides. When we wondered where the water came from and how old it was, we discovered that water existed BEFORE Earth. Hydrogen molecules were created in the Big Bang, and oxygen was formed in the cores of stars. They spread across by supernova explosion, and millions of years later, we have Earth, water and life here.
From that life, humans are born, gazing back at their own creation.

A simple event like street flooding connected us to astronomical phenomena that humans can hardly comprehend at its true scale.

My student: “WOW!”

Learning helps me to find valuable gems of knowledge. Writing sharpens and then combines those gems into beautiful pieces of intellectual jewelry. Publishing is to share that beauty with society, not just for the beings who live but for all future generations.

But more importantly, writing helps me understand how fragile my life is, forcing me to admit that I will die soon.

Writing helps me prepare for my death. It’s the way to say goodbye.